I am not sure about you but, I tend to lean towards perfectionism. I am pretty sure this comes from a multitude of insecurities. Astrologers would likely point to the fact that I am a Virgo, it’s just my nature. Whatever the reason is, it has limited and even stopped me dead in my tracks, many times.
At one point in my life I wanted to play soccer. I joined a women’s team and went the practices religiously. The coach decided I should be a forward; apparently I was fast…or something. The night of the first game came and I was sick to my stomach. Way beyond butterflies, more on the Dr. Doolittle Lunar Moth scale. Mind you, this was only a bar league! I went to the game but was unwilling to go out on the field terrified that I would do it wrong, fail my team… I watched all of the other women play soccer and get this, they were having fun. I sat on the sidelines watching and wishing that I could get out there and play with my team. Humiliated I went home, I never went to another practice or game again.
Why am I telling you this? Or, better yet, why didn’t I just put my big girl panties on and play a simple game of soccer? Because it wasn’t that simple, I just couldn’t. I wanted to, but allowed the fear of being seen as not good enough stop me. I am telling you this story for a couple of reasons. First, if you suffer from the paralysis of perfectionism I want you to know that you are not alone! Second, I have decided to play the game even if I do it wrong. I am not playing soccer this time; I am playing at my life long dream of being an entrepreneur.
I have spent over 10 years taking classes, hiring coaches, spiritual counselors, advisors, mentors even a psychologist to help me fulfill my dream of owning and running a successful business, without actually doing it. All the while watching other women suit up, get out on the field and have fun! I have perfected conceiving, talking about and learning about business. I have played a few practice games but each time it has been time to go out on the field I have been so terrified I was not able get off the bench.
I decided to stop making money for someone else and start making it for myself a couple of weeks ago. In that time I have done nothing for any of the businesses waiting for me to work on. This morning I said to my partner, I think I need to call an advisory meeting. My partner looked at me and said, “Cindy, I haven’t said anything but, you don’t need meetings, advisors, mentors, gurus or anything else, you just need to sit down and start working.” OUCH! It was and is true! I am terrified. I told a girlfriend about this conversation and her words were, “Cindy, sometimes you just need to getter done!”
I will continue to update you on how my playing is going. I understand that it might not be perfect, I may even run in the wrong direction however, I am ready to play…