Perfection Paralysis

soccer-girl-goalie

I am not sure about you but, I tend to lean towards perfectionism.  I am pretty sure this comes from a multitude of insecurities. Astrologers would likely point to the fact that I am a Virgo, it’s just my nature.  Whatever the reason is, it has limited and even stopped me dead in my tracks, many times.

At one point in my life I wanted to play soccer.  I joined a women’s team and went the practices religiously.  The coach decided I should be a forward; apparently I was fast…or something.  The night of the first game came and I was sick to my stomach. Way beyond butterflies, more on the Dr. Doolittle Lunar Moth scale.  Mind you, this was only a bar league!  I went to the game but was unwilling to go out on the field terrified that I would do it wrong, fail my team…  I watched all of the other women play soccer and get this, they were having fun.  I sat on the sidelines watching and wishing that I could get out there and play with my team. Humiliated I went home, I never went to another practice or game again.

Why am I telling you this?  Or, better yet, why didn’t I just put my big girl panties on and play a simple game of soccer?  Because it wasn’t that simple, I just couldn’t.  I wanted to, but allowed the fear of being seen as not good enough stop me.  I am telling you this story for a couple of reasons.  First, if you suffer from the paralysis of perfectionism I want you to know that you are not alone!  Second, I have decided to play the game even if I do it wrong.  I am not playing soccer this time; I am playing at my life long dream of being an entrepreneur.

I have spent over 10 years taking classes, hiring coaches, spiritual counselors, advisors, mentors even a psychologist  to help me fulfill my dream of owning and running a successful  business, without actually doing it.  All the while watching other women suit up, get out on the field and have fun!  I have perfected conceiving, talking about and learning about business.  I have played a few practice games but each time it has been time to go out on the field I have been so terrified I was not able get off the bench.

I decided to stop making money for someone else and start making it for myself a couple of weeks ago.  In that time I have done nothing for any of the businesses waiting for me to work on.  This morning I said to my partner, I think I need to call an advisory meeting.  My partner looked at me and said, “Cindy, I haven’t said anything but, you don’t need meetings, advisors, mentors, gurus or anything else, you just need to sit down and start working.”  OUCH!  It was and is true!  I am terrified.  I told a girlfriend about this conversation and her words were, “Cindy, sometimes you just need to getter done!”

I will continue to update you on how my playing is going.  I understand that it might not be perfect, I may even run in the wrong direction however, I am ready to play…

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