Saying Good Bye is not always Easy

Our-Woman-of-Sometimes Good-Byes are forced upon us through an unexpected death, sometimes by a sudden break up. Other times good-bye comes after much thought and realization that something or someone no longer serves your highest good or you theirs. Good Bye can be a temporary situation or a forever event.

What does Good Bye mean to you?

To me Good Bye is sending someone or something away with well wishes.

Today I am saying Good Bye to all of my past dreams and desires. I will be honest with you, I truly do not know how to do this. I have Googled it. I have contacted Friends and Healers. Each person has their own way of ritualistically saying Good Bye. I believe saying Good Bye is personal. I do not believe there is a right or a wrong. Is it a list you burn? Is it a letter you write? Is it words and wishes you send into the air? Is it drops of coloring you flush away with water? Is it rocks you throw of a cliff? Is it the tears you release into your bath or shower? Is it a candle you watch burn slowly knowing once it is finished your Good Bye is complete? Or, is it just a knowing that it is done, with no ritual send off at all?

How so ever this Farewell with well wishes happens, I know it is time for it to be done. I have accumulated dreams and desires over my lifetime. I would consider myself the ‘Hoarder of Dreams’. The home I dwell in, my body, specifically my mind, has become full of dreams I never used. Long forgotten dreams that I set aside instead of saying Good Bye to. Dreams that I somehow think that I can revive someday so I keep them alive in me, often lamenting the fact that I did not follow through with them when they first arrived in my mind. Dreams that did not have the outcome I desired so they became disappointments. Dreams that have no point today. Dreams that didn’t really matter when I saw my eldest son laying on what I thought was his death bed.

Today I say Good Bye to the dream that I would be married only once. Today I say Good Bye to the dream that I would be the most bestest mom on the planet. Today I say Good Bye to the dream that I would have a PhD and somehow save the planet. Today I say Good Bye to the dream that I will travel the world helping people help themselves, especially women. Today I say Good Bye to the dream of being a Master Sensualist, helping women navigate what it means to be living in a material world as a spiritual being during these times. Today I say Good Bye to having a business that improves people’s lives and enriches the world. Today I say Good Bye to all the properties I have owned and longed to own. Today I say Good Bye to all the not for profits I was going to start, for young mothers, abused women, sex workers, elders, families, homeless. Today I say Good Bye to the retail shops I dreamed of opening, the cute shops where people could come and drink a beverage and shop for things they wanted but did not need. Today I say Good Bye to the career that I never had.  Today I say Good Bye to all the events I never produced. Today I say Good Bye to the retreat centers that never got started. Today I say Good Bye to causes I never volunteered for and boards I was never on. Today I say Good Bye to the book that never got written. Today I say Good Bye to all the baked goods I never made. Today I say Good Bye to the garden that has never been what I want with Sunflowers growing everywhere. Today I say Good Bye to a situation that was not what I believed it was. Today I say Good Bye to all the hopes and dreams I had before I started this piece. Good Bye to everything that was a hope or a dream.

My plan for the rest of my day is to cry, bathe, eat chocolate, and burn sage. I will be kind and loving to me as I release the things that were only thoughts but have lived with me, in me for a number of years. I will mourn for the entire day. I will be gentle to me.

Tomorrow I will wake up fresh, new, different. Tomorrow I will not think of my past nor my future. Tomorrow I will live from the moment I wake up, in the moment.

For today though? I shall mourn….

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